As Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) longingly and apologetically stares at Dorothy Boyd (Renee Zellweger), he says, “I love you,” (dramatic pause) and ends by saying, “You complete me.”

Hearts melt and a deep “aww” resounds in the hearts of every female watching this. For those that do not understand this reference, you’re too young to be thinking about marriage.

I mean seriously, what girl would not want a guy to say this to them? If a stud like Tom Cruise [insert any studly star] comes along and says that to me, I would not respond, “No, Tom, that is theologically incorrect. I am whole in Christ. I am not and can not make you feel complete.” Hell no. I would respond like Dorothy, “you had me at hello.”

The reality is… biblical values do not inform my understanding of love and marriage, but movies like Jerry Maguire, Love Actually, all the Disney princess movies and other rom com’s have seeped into my heart and mind and taught me what love and marriage is all about. Don’t get me wrong, I have heard many sermons on dating and marriage, I have read Christian books on dating/marriage, I have spoken with my pastor and his wife on marriage and love…but the reality is…my heart does not want the biblical definition of marriage. It wants “you complete me” type of love. What I know in my head (biblical knowledge of love/marriage) vs. what I want in my heart (rom com love) are at odds with each other. This is a dangerous place to be.

If my heart believes that my future husband will complete me even though I know in my head I shouldn’t believe that, I will be needy, have unrealistic expectations, become depressed when the romance dies out, be selfish for his time, attention, and resources. If he doesn’t make me feel complete, I won’t be happy. If I’m not the center of his attention and if he doesn’t sacrificially love me like Christ loved the church…oh boy, he’s going to pay. Seriously, who do I think that I am?

But the reality is, I’ve bought into the societies understanding of love. I’d actually prefer to have this sort of love as opposed to biblical love. Societies love makes me the center of attention, and my happiness matters most. Biblical love says, for better - for worse, love is sacrificial, love is forgiveness every time, marriage is for your holiness not for your happiness. Biblical love says you need to love others as you love yourself. It’s already presupposed that we love ourselves, the hard part is loving others as much as we love ourselves. Biblical love says you are already whole in Christ.

I think single people out there, myself included, sometimes feel as if we are less than whole because we are not married or in a relationship. That’s a lie. We’ve bought into a lie and we are ignoring what the Bible says. You are not less than a married person. In Christ, you are made whole. Oftentimes, we want someone to complete us - hell, I want someone to complete me. But you know what? It means that rather than making Christ my savior, I’m expecting my future spouse to be my savior. Rather than believing that I am already redeemed by Christ’s blood, I seek to eventually be redeemed when I get married. This is the false gospel and I have believed it since I was a little girl. Again, this is a dangerous place to be. 

Daily, I need to come to Christ and pray, “Lord remind me that I am whole in You. You, alone…complete me. I often believe that my future husband will give me worth, and will make me feel redeemed…thus, I think my future husband is my savior rather than You.” Again, it comes back to repenting specifically in the lies you’ve not only believed in but also lived out. And begging God to remind me daily by His Spirit that I am whole, I am complete in Him alone.